Borrowed Time
by Sari Dark
Summary: We all live on borrowed time, Dean reflects on his life so far.


AN: This is the first story I have ever published, please be gentle.

Disclaimer: I'm just a child playing in am epic sand box! All the sand is Kripke's 

Borrowed Time

We all think we have forever, but more often than not we are living on borrowed time.

Who do we borrow it from? Our friends; our family; our coworkers; that one guy who stands on that street corner every day, even in the dead of winter, and begs for enough food to feed his starving child; that is who we are borrowing it from.

Why would we borrow it then?

To give it away of course.

And that is what I have done. I have given away all of my borrowed time. I thought that that would be the end of me. That once I used all my borrowed time I would die and that would be the end. But my life has never been that simple.

The thing is, someone upstairs noticed. Now you might be thinking: Isn't that a good thing? Don't you want someone upstairs to notice you? Get to Heaven when you die?

Not the way they noticed me.

They noticed that I was a good son and a good big brother, and most of all a good little soldier. Now, I don't blame my father for the way that my brother and I grew up. After all, he was only protecting us, teaching us how to protect ourselves and others: to be hunters. I never really minded all of that. Sure I didn't get a normal childhood, or a very good one at that, but I actually enjoy being a hunter.

But they don't care about my daddy issues or my pitiful childhood. No, they just care that I followed orders and did as I was told. That I was daddy's little soldier and I protected Sammy. They only cared that I followed my dad and idolized him. That I tried to be just like him and copied everything he did; so that when daddy traded his soul to save my life, I would turn around and sell mine to save Sam's. And I did too. My dad sold his soul to save my life; the first time that I was given more time. I should have stayed dead. I even told Bobby just as much. I had lived my life giving all my borrowed time to my dad, and to Sam. I thought that all of my time was spent, but my dad saw that I had used mine and he gave me the rest of his. Then my brother got stabbed in the back…literally, and I couldn't let him die. My father had given me his borrowed time and told me to look after Sammy and I failed. So I followed his example and I sold my soul to save him, to bring him back.

But borrowed time has its drawbacks. This time when my borrowed time was spent, I did die. I did move on; But not in the "Final Destination" way that I had thought. No, I didn't get the usual one-way ticket to Hell that everyone else down there got; I got a round trip with an angel express on the way back out. Again I was given borrowed time; this time from the angels.

At first I was naïve enough to think that it might have been God who wanted me out, and even now I think it might have actually been His will, but the more popular belief is that some impatient angel wanted his prize early; and of course to get that prize he needed me to be his Righteous Man and break in Hell. Get their apocalypse rolling.

Only later do I find out that the borrowed time that I gave my little brother doesn't last quite as long as I was hoping it would; even before we can get to the grand event that the great and powerful folks upstairs had for us. Who would have thought that we would be running away from angels in Heaven? They hadn't really expected that some hunters would want us dead, but it sure as hell didn't stop their plans. They just brought us back to life again, and again we were living on borrowed time.

I don't know how much they were really expecting from us, but we definitely didn't give it to them the way they wanted. And once again I was living on borrowed time; this time it was on Sam's. Apparently my little brother was still paying attention to my example; and this one was one that I wish he had just ignored.

He sacrificed himself. Not just to save me, but to save the entire world. And for that he gave me his time. I didn't want to borrow anymore of his time. I wanted it to all just end; but who could ever be lucky enough to be in that situation? So I lived that borrowed time the way that he wanted me to. I settled down with Ben and Lisa and life was good…or as good as it could ever be for someone who has lived through the things that I have.

But that isn't where it ends. No, the hits just keep on coming. I'm not even sure whose time I'm living on anymore. I wish that I could give it away sometimes, but at the same time I'm glad that I have any at all. So I go on. I'm still the son they noticed, though my father is dead now. I'm still the older brother that they had taken notice of, but maybe not as "good". Most of all though, I am still the soldier they wanted; just without them calling the shots, and sometimes even fighting against them. Purgatory may have slowed me down a little, but it didn't stop me. I've learned to roll with the punches and sometimes they end with some unexpected results, but I'm still continuing on; claiming the borrowed time as my own and sometimes even stealing some for Sam. This life ain't easy, but it's mine, and I intend to use all the time I can manage to get.


End file.
